Chapter Twelve: A Sword for All Occasions

Posted by | June 28, 2009

The chewtoy—an eyeball pickled into a rubbery consistency like a hardboiled egg—hurtled across the chamber, caromed off the back wall, rebounded from the floor, and sailed out the window.

Batsmasher followed, arms a-pendulum with barely contained joy. “Raaaaaggwwggh!” he gurgled as he flew through the window after his favorite toy and promptly vanished from sight in the pristine blue and fog. Plummeting.

“That never gets old,” Hellvetica said.


Chapter Eleven: Zen and the Art of Ghoul Maintenance

Posted by | June 20, 2009

The Lich King, Prince Arthas and the shade of Ner’zhul combined, brooded over the war torn domain from gaping maw of an icy balcony—great clouds of billowing white foamed in the chill air and whipped past his ragged cloak, stoking the azure flames that fumed from his ghastly armor. His sword, Frostmourne, balanced point-down on the icy rock floor awaiting his grasp as he fiddled with his gloves.

“When do I get to meet the big guy?” Hellvetica asked, gesturing with an onyx gauntleted hand towards the looming figure.


Chapter Ten: Student Necromancers from Hell

Posted by | January 23, 2009

“Stand and be measured, death knight,” the necromancer said.

Hellvetica stood, stretched her newfound muscles. She felt good, power coursing through her veins. They had placed upon her a garb of black robes, embroidered with runes of pain and suffering. She could sense the fire in her veins burning in her eyes. A voice in her head whispered sweet horrors to her. Cajoling, commanding, but she pushed that aside and with it the rapture of her resurrection.

“Thank you,” she said, “for…” She paused, she couldn’t see anyone standing in front of her—until she looked down.


Chapter Nine: Waking Up is Hell

Posted by | January 15, 2009

Hellvetica’s head hurt. All she recalled—aside from the name change—was downloading and activating the new expansion, Wrath of the Lich King, and rolling a death knight. Of course, this did help explain one thing: why she was currently among the dead.

The battlefield was littered with them, every race and class accounted among the valley of corpses as slouching half-human ghouls worked amid them. Bones exposed, dripping ribbons of rotting flesh, the ghouls labored to carry and drop dead body after dead body onto the backs of creaking wagons, which then conveyed their ghastly cargo unto Acherus.

Necromancers clad in dread black picked their way through the dead, casting boney fingers and watery eyes over the putrid crop. Hither and thither they resurrected the dead. By in large, though, the …


World of Warcraft, Lich King, Claim 11.5 Million Subscribers

Posted by | January 2, 2009

To put that into perspective, the US presidential election was decided by about three-million votes, and some European countries couldn’t even aspire to that sort of population. In a recent press release, Blizzard confirmed Lich King sales of over four-million copies in the first month, which makes me wonder when those other many millions of players plan on getting with the program. That number also tags Lich King as the fastest, and best-selling, release of all time, a record formerly held by Burning Crusade. Gee.

You can read the whole press release to discover just how tightly Blizzard has taken the game industry’s balls in their iron claw. If you’re one of those millions who have yet to upgrade, do it! Lich King is great, Death Knights are more metal than the black shores of Hades, and the quest lines are a vast …